


The Pranks We Plan, or The Future That Will One Day Be

by laleia



Series: Triptych [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-08
Updated: 2011-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-14 13:34:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laleia/pseuds/laleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily and James make history. Featuring alluded-to nudity of the past and future-yet-past-in-canon variety.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pranks We Plan, or The Future That Will One Day Be

“Just you wait,” James Potter scowled. “Just wait until I get some clothes on. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.”

“Oh, for some reason, I think I’ll still be laughing,” Lily Evans smirked.

“Well, enjoy the view while it laughs,” James said, and struck a pose. “You should consider yourself privileged to get an eyeful of _this_.”

Lily arched one eyebrow, looked him carefully up and down and disdainfully snorted. “Eh. I’ve seen better.”

James hunched over again. “You’re just being misled because it’s fucking _winter_ and I’m out here _naked_ ,” he said huffily. “It’s much more impressive when it’s not in danger of _frostbite_.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Lily said patronizingly.

“How long are you going to get your jollies keeping me out here?” James demanded. “They won’t let you be Head Girl if you’re _convicted_ of murdering a fellow student by _hypothermia_ , you know.”

“Oh, you won’t die,” Lily said confidently. “I’m just trying to teach you a lesson.”

“That lesson being don’t assume the flirtatious girl winking at me actually has my best interests at heart, because she’ll actually _hex me sideways, steal my clothes, and make me stand starkers in the cold snow_?”

“Well, that too,” Lily said, tilting her head. “But the lesson you are taking from this …” and here, she jabbed her wand in his face for emphasis, “I don’t care what you and your friends have gotten away with in the past, understand this. If you bully any more First Years-”

“It’s an initiation rite!” James defended.

“-disrupt any more classes when _some_ of us are trying to prep for OWLs-” she punctuated each word with another job of her wand.

“The OWLs aren’t even for seven more months!” James yelped, hopping backward to avoid having his eye poked out by her wand.

“-ambush any more Slytherins-” and here her eyes narrowed.

“I know you’re deluded about Snivellus but the whole lot are slimy gits!” James said hotly. Really, the blood-purist lot of them were a disgrace to wizardkind.

“ _-r_ Ravenclaws _or_ Hufflepuffs-” she added as an afterthought

“They’re all whiny tossers anyway,” James said, “and I haven’t been mean to a Hufflepuff in _ages_! Well, except Linus, but he deserves it.”

“-if you hex the food that I eat, jinx the water that I drink, tamper with the tests that I take-”

“Oh come on, everyone thought it was funny! People laughed! Professor McGonagall didn’t even blame you!” It had been one of his better ideas, if he did say so himself.

“-then so help me god, you’ll think that losing your balls to frostbite is the _preferred_ alternative,” Lily hissed. By this point, she’d had him backed up the brick of the castle, chilling his flesh even further.

“I don’t think prefects are supposed to threaten bodily harm like this,” James said solemnly. “Abuse of authority or something.”

“I left my prefects’ badge in my room this morning, dear me,” Lily said sweetly. “I guess my actions are that of a _concerned_ peer who is tired of your _chaos_.”

“You know, you’re cute when you’re ruthless,” James said. “I don’t suppose you want to join me in nudity? I can think of a few fun _things_ we might do,” he began, waggling his eyebrows.

The last thing he remembered was the speed with which Lily cast her next hex. Next thing he knew, someone was shaking him awake.

“Prongs! Prongs! Are you alright, mate?” The voice seemed to come from far away, then got closer and closer.

“Mmmm, Padfoot?” James said blearily, trying to regain his bearings. “Where’m I? Whass goin’ on?”

“Evans passed by on the way to the library, and she said something about checking up on you for frostbite? Who’d you piss off?” Sirius didn’t sound curious so much as admiring.

James shook his head to clear it, and looked around him. He was still in the snow, still just outside the castle, still … naked. “The last thing I remember is … Evans.”

“What, she still pissed off about that prank last week?” Sirius asked.

“Padfoot. I’m naked in the middle of winter, and could have frozen to death any minute. Yes, she’s still upset. That reminds me ... there’s something very, very important I have to tell you.”

“I really don’t think it’s important enough it can’t wait until you get some clothes on,” Sirius said. “I’m pretty sure that burned pile of ashes over there is what remains of your robes, especially since the ashes currently spell out _Potter Stinks_ -”

“Really?” James said, straining to see. “She must have done that after she knocked me out.”

“-so let’s get you something to cover up with in the meanwhile.”

“Oh, but- no, I should tell you before I forget,” James interrupted himself firmly. He thought back to the fire in Lily’s eyes, the steel in her voice, and the surety in her wandwork, and he didn’t even hesitate when he said it. “Sirius? This is very important. I think I’m in love.”

“With Evans?” Sirius snorted. “That’s your announcement you were afraid you'd forget? Good luck with _that_."

“I wasn’t finished. Like I was saying. I think I’m in love. And it’s given me the idea for a new prank. A brilliant prank. The _best_ prank. So I was thinking …”


End file.
